We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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