is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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