Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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