There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
