you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
