That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
