i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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