just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
