I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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