you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
