im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
