She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
not ubering you a puppy
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
