Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
