thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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