it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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