I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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