I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
its not stalking. its research.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
