Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
