I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Mom said you looked used
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
