I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
