i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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