I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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