i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
