sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize