This is not my ceiling
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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