you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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