When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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