Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
