OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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