if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize