My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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