The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
