guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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