I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
