saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize