this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
