Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
