Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize