Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
