Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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