I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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