Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
