Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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