I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So much rum. So many feels.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
