I hate your face
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize