I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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