I have demons in me.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize