Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
