hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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