Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize