I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
