also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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