Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
