This is not my ceiling
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
