Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
