I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
