It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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