I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
