you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
