Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
