i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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