I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
