Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
