Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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