So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
