You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I love you. Go after that dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize