every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize