i barfeds in our rink
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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