i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
