I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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