it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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