remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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