If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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