i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize