SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
