dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
